Choices

Everyone knows what a difficult choice is. It is a choice which you don’t want to see; a choice you think you can’t handle; a choice you don’t want to make.
If you finally take a deep breath and a step forward, you might find yourself in different situations:

– relief;

– regret;

– being unsure;

– trying to persuade yourself you took the right path on the crossroads you just left.

But no matter how you feel, making this choice changes you. Is it a good thing? Is it a bad thing? For you to decide. Are you ready to choose?

Confusion

Have you ever been so confused in your life, that you did not know what you feel? You are close to someone and yet far, you look at each other and hit, instead of kissing, because you are afraid to admit what is going on; you look at her and have no idea why this creature is so important to you, but you feel it in your guts, and ready to forgive all those bites, sudden jumps and hogging all the attention some times. I still won’t let her steal my treats or deprive me of my naps, but I like when she misses me, you know. Whenever I leave home, even for 5 mins, I come back to a yelling little monster who starts purring to Mom and jumping at me simultaneously. She can’t be alone at all. You know what warms my heart most of all, she is purring to Mom, but she switches to me instantly and chooses to go play with me, not stay and have some girl time with Mom.

I never could imagine I’d love someone except for Mom. But now, I’m afraid, I do. Having Kleo back with us made me realize how much I love this little ball of fur with a fire under her tail. Mom thinks Pixie chose her over Kleo and started following her around when she was not even a months old yet, but we all know who she chose to be with, right?

Still, I am confused about it, can’t grasp the moment when I turned from hating all the other cats to loving one.

Paws against terror

If you’re scared and you know it, clap your hands.
If you’re scared and you know it, but don’t really want to show it… if you’re scared and you know it, clap your hands…
Is it a funny song or not? Mom said she saw a lot scared gloomy people in the underground today. Everyone has his own mechanism to hide his/her vulnerability. Mom is smiling. To almost everything…she embraced a complicated smiling system Thai people use not to disclose their feelings. They have 13 types of smiles. It seems that Mom has even more sometimes. I wish she had only one – the happy smile.
We are far from St. Petersburg and Moscow, but we live in the third populated city in Russia and many things are getting scary here lately as in any other big city in the world. Like taking an underground, going out during important holidays, being in a crowd or taking a plane.
It is normally scary for introverted people as well as cats, I believe, but every year it becomes more and more dangerous due to acts of terror. Terrible, pointless, inhumane. I know, I am just a catman, but maybe my human friends could explain why someone would blow up innocent people, crush a plane into a building or start a war? I am not able to grasp the idea. Maybe those people know another God, who is NOT Love? In my world the answer to everything is Love or at least 42…but not this.
I’ve noticed that I am using word “inhumane” to describe actions of humans more and more often. Humans, please, be humans! It is more difficult than being robots or animals, but it worth it, believe one tiny wolverine cub who made a great effort to become a true catman.
My paws are against terror! Join me, my furriends! Raise your paws too!
#pawsagainstterror #pawsforpeace

Inner silence.

How often do you speak with your inner voice? Once in a while? Every day? All the time? Mine just won’t shut up! There is no privacy in my head. It asks me cunning questions, it shows me what I don’t want to see about myself, it soothes me when I upset or makes me even more upset, and it laughs like a crazy evil professor trying to enslave the world. You would say it is just mine subconscious so I am simply talking to myself. Well, one might agree, but if you try and peep inside my head, you would never again ponder over the question if subconscious is a part of one self: it isn’t, I promise.

I was very irritated with my inner voice lately. It was annoying more than usual, so a couple of days ago I wished it to go away for the 3588th time. I don’t know what was different that time, but the voice actually left me alone. No, ALONE. For the whole day there was not a though, not a word, not a move inside my head. It was scary and fascinating at the same time. I felt like I was outside, pushed out on to my skin: sounds were louder, colors brighter, people’s faces clearer. The world looked as if someone took a plastic from the monitor or photo shopped the picture.

My inner castle was gone, there were no inner space at all. What did you say? I am crazy? Totally, man, totally! Did you expect anything else from a baby dragon?

Thankfully, after sleeping off and watching funny series with Mom for the whole weekend, I am getting back to normal. Anything unusual in your life?

Doubts

How often are you filled with doubts? I am fighting them all the time, but they are still taking over. Yesterday Pixie decided to run up Mom’s back for no reason. Mom jumped up, yelling…she says she is in pain and asked me to explain to Pixie that she shouldn’t do it again. I watched her carefully, came closer and froze hesitantly. Then I reached Mom’s foot and bit her so she wouldn’t put her parental responsibility on me! I am a fun brother to Pixie and not her second parent!

Tonight I was in doubts again when Mom woke up at night and caressed me gently…I was considering going back too sleep, but then I bit and bunny hopped Mom’s hand and demanded her to take me out at 2 a.m. Yep! I felt like having a walk! Mom’s problems that she had to wake up at 6 and go to work… her first and most important job is to take care of me, right? But she didn’t go out. She tried to hide under the pillow from me…One and a half hour later I gave up and left her alone. But I had some fun in the process 😸😸😸 why being a cat if you don’t have a little fun every day?)